How to quickly earn trust

Today, we are going to discuss trust in business and how to quickly earn trust from people. We will explore what is trust built from and what are the things that cause us to trust each other.

We will finish up discussing how can we apply these concepts in our daily lives.

Without trust, it’s virtually impossible to develop deep relationships with interesting individuals.

Trust is one of those extraordinary things that we often talk about in great detail, emphasising its significance in our relationships and personal and business success. However, here’s the intriguing part: despite our awareness of its importance, it seems that most of us lack a clear understanding of how it actually works.

In fact, if I were to ask you what exactly constitutes trust or what makes it up, chances are you wouldn’t be able to provide a detailed answer. My mission for this podcast is to equip you with the tools and knowledge on trust, enabling you to connect with anyone you desire on a deep and meaningful level.

When you’re connecting with highly influential individuals, such as those you want to do business with, as customers, or even as friends, there’s a need for at least a basic level of trust. It’s crucial to identify the characteristics that create trust and develop them quickly. This way, we can build these relationships and achieve our goals, whether it’s promoting a social cause, growing our company, making friends, or even making a positive impact on the culture within our organisation.

If I were to ask you what trust is “made of,” you might struggle to provide a precise definition.

Trust is something you feel. However, researchers have identified three key components that contribute to trust: competence, honesty, and benevolence.

Competence refers to your ability to deliver on your promises. Honesty involves integrity, which means being truthful and trustworthy. Benevolence means having the other person’s best interests at heart.

Here’s the interesting part: while these three components are essential for building trust, they’re not equally important. For instance, if a usually reliable coworker delivers a disastrous presentation at work, you might not immediately assume they’re incompetent.

You won’t think: I can’t trust them anymore. Instead, you probably think they had an off day. Notice they’ve breached trust, but you’re still willing to continue trusting them.

If one of your coworkers lied to you, you’d likely doubt everything they’ve said and everything they say moving forward.

But there’s this loophole. If the two of us are walking down the street, and I ask, hey, do you mind if we stop by my friend’s house? I just need to pick something up. And you say, sure. When we enter, 40 of your closest friends jump out and scream, Surprise! It would be strange if you turned to me and said, Mick, we can’t be friends anymore. You just lied to me.

And the reason it would be strange is because we accept those kinds of lies because they’re for our best interests.

The lie was harmless in essence. Now, this back’s up research, as human beings, we tend to value benevolence above honesty and honesty above competence.

And here’s what’s truly intriguing about that. Most companies and organisations, most people strive to lead with competence. They aim to demonstrate their capabilities to others.

But it turns out that that’s not the most valued trait. Instead, what we need to demonstrate first and foremost is that we’re benevolent. We must prioritise others’ well-being and demonstrate honesty. In time, we can showcase our competence.

After all, it’s much easier to become more competent over time than for someone to completely change their behaviour and transition from selfishness to benevolence and caring for others. So when we interact with our customers, potential friends, or anyone else, the key is to lead with benevolence. That’s what trust is built on.

Now, let’s delve into the mechanics of how it actually works. If you observe the strategies employed by most companies or organisations to enhance your liking or trust, they often organise expensive dinners or host parties, accompanied by swag bags. However, consider this: most of these dinners are quite unappealing to attend.

And most of us discard those swag bags or gift them away. So, that approach doesn’t seem to be very effective. Therefore, the question arises: what truly works?

The surprising answer is the opposite. I heard a concept from Jon Levy, who is an author and speaker, covering behavioural science and known for his work in influence. The effect is known as the IKEA effect. Human beings disproportionately care about their IKEA furniture because they had to assemble it themselves.

This principle extends to any effort we invest in. It’s why people care more about their own children compared to others. It’s because they’ve put in the effort to raise, care for, and assist them with their homework and other responsibilities.

So, if we can facilitate ways for individuals to invest effort in each other, they’ll develop a stronger sense of care. However, many people resist this approach, expressing a desire to handle things independently and avoid bothering others.

They believe in putting in all the effort themselves. This strategy is, in fact, highly counterproductive. This cannot be emphasised this enough.

The key is to accept people’s offers for support and to ask for favours. When individuals do you favours, they invest effort and develop a stronger connection with you.

Let me highlight this: Accepting people’s offers of support, will actually increase their liking for you. The underlying reason is a concept called a vulnerability loop.

Most people mistakenly believe that trust precedes vulnerability. However, the truth is quite the opposite.

Let’s imagine a scenario where I’m sitting in an office not far from you.

It’s my first day, and I overhear you say, ‘Wow, I’m completely overwhelmed. I don’t know how I’ll manage to complete all this work.’ By expressing my vulnerability, I’ve just signalled to you that I trust you and value your support.

I’ve expressed my uncertainty about my capabilities. If you disregard my concerns or make fun of me, it will erode our trust. However, if you acknowledge my feelings and reciprocate by showing vulnerability, like saying, “Mick, I was also overwhelmed during my first week. Let’s figure this out together.”

By acknowledging our vulnerabilities and demonstrating mutual understanding, we can build trust. Trust is formed when we either express vulnerability and have someone match it or recognise that someone else has. This is also the reason behind the IKEA effect.

When we collaborate on tasks that are too big for any one of us to complete alone, it naturally creates vulnerability and dependency loops. Interestingly, completing these vulnerability loops releases oxytocin, the chemical in your body that fosters bonding between babies and their mothers. Oxytocin is a pro-social neuropeptide that enhances people’s care for one another.

What makes trust remarkable is that it’s an emotional experience. This feeling is likely a result of our joint efforts and the vulnerability loops we create. Now you understand the science behind building trust.

Trust is not about manipulating others or buying them favours; it’s about reimagining how we create it.

The key is to find something that requires collective effort and allows us to work together, leading to a deeper emotional connection and the development of stronger bonds. The more physical the activity the easier it is to build trust and creates strong trust bonds. This is precisely why networking feels so unnatural and artificial. If you’ve ever watched a TV programme about the military, then you’ve seen how close military teams become through their shared activities and endeavours.

To build trust, accept invitations for support, ask for favours, and ensure that you reciprocate. Nobody likes a taker. Additionally, demonstrate consistent generosity and confidence.

There is a great book on this by Jon Levy called “The Art and Science of Cultivating Influence.”

In his book, he delves deep into stories and scientific principles that drive human connection, trust, and the development of meaningful belonging. These concepts have a profound impact on our success, extending from our personal longevity to our business endeavours.

Let me leave you with this before we finish, you really should put your emphasis on vulnerability. Actively make an effort to connect with more people in your community, the business world, and beyond.

Remember, trust is earned, and this means that you have to be consistent and build upon relationships. You’ll have strong connections with people just from one meeting.

If you meet someone you really enjoy their company, make an effort to see them again and again. Go for coffee, set up activities, or even jump on a video call. Great people are worth the effort.

Got a burning question? Reach out on our social channels or email me at michael@purpleyak.co.uk

Thank you so much for reading.

Take care.